#but like i have anxiety 🥲
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I AM STRESSING OUTT
#and like it could be for nothing#and its also like not a big deal but i always make a big deal out of everything lmao#so i *might* be starting a new full time job that is pretty good bc i get benefits and everything#BUT i also got accepted into a short college program that ive been wanting to do since forever !!#and now i gotta figure out how im gonna get my hours done for the program while working#bc my placement for the program is over an hour away and id leave work until like 3:30pm BUT the place closes at 6 😭#which means id either only do like an hour of time and i need to do at least 11/12 hours a week 💀#i could just talk to my supervisor at the new job to see if i could leave earlier#but like i have anxiety 🥲#also i sent an email to my placement site to see if i could do my hours at a closer location but she hasnt responded#and during my interview for the program she specifically said they needed ppl over where i was originally supposed to be going sooo..#ugh#we'll see what happens#pray for me#also if u read this entire thing you deserve money ❤️#rambles
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why is sending asks so anxiety inducing. this is the socially awkward cringefail website.
#considered sending them on anon because anon asks are less anxiety inducing but I have to get over myself sometimes#asking around the community what people’s fave artworks were this year#I feel like at the end of the year it’s always nice to look back at everything you have drawn and#to pick out the ones you are especially proud of#it’s just ugh sending asks and social anxiety……#and I’m gonna miss like 20000 amazing artists 🥲#sina’s rambling
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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nooooo sowon don't become an alcoholic 😭😭😭😭😭
When she tried we say “hey alcoholic” in the tone that “scares” her and she run away bdjdndjd
But it’s really funny to me because, here some Sowon lore, she’s named after a child oc of mine and her dad is an ex alcoholic so I personally tell her « Sowon don’t be like your dad (and grandad) » 😭😂
#her name was suppose to be Luna but my friend adopt a dog and named her Louna which is basically the same thing 🥲#but she had to give away her dog after like a year cause it had severe anxiety and was howling all day and they had a baby it was a lot :’)#it started as a joke cause that oc is obsess with cat but I remember Genie by Snsd and that is meant wish#and my biggest wish at that moment was to have a cat again cause i’ve never been without a cat so I couldn’t get the name out of my head 🥲#now I realized idk if I was in the right to use that name but too late :’)
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I literally feel like I have zero friends lmao 🥲
I hate my brain 🫶🏼
#like I do have people but I just feel like everyone secretly hates me and that I’m annoying lol 🥲#social anxiety disorder#personal
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Okay so like
Biting ripping and tearing, biting ripping and tearing and eating you every time i read those stupid amazing saiki k text post things
I lose my mind cuz theyre so stupid and dumb and your so funny and GRRRRR im gonna give you a big smooch on the mouth(/j, unless....) GRRRRR im foaming at the mouth GRRRR
Anyway i love your writing 😻🙏
Everytime I read some shit like this I always think my mutuals found my side account, know it’s me and then I get paranoid to post anything 😭
#god I hope not#anyways I have a few works done but the anxiety kicked into mega drive#so now I’m scared to post anything even though I know people like my stuff 🥲👍🏼#asks#anon
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thinking about releasing my drafts cause i have like 192 of them and i think they are kinda funny but most of them aren’t shane and ryan related and are kinda just my inner thoughts AGH 😭
#TW: RANT AND ANXIETY TALK#but i like yapping but i don’t want people to get annoyed AGH#don’t want people thinking the ghoulboysblog has stopped ghoulboys-ing#i know there is no way to talk too much on my own blog#but my brain is still like#“what if people followed you for strictly shane and ryan content and you are annoying them”#like i KNOW no one really cares i don’t think#but my weird brain likes to convince me that i am annoying people AGHH#i have an anxiety disorder and people pleasing tendencies if ya can’t tell 🥲#sorry for this rant i am just SO STRESSED ALL THE TIME OVER EVERYTHING!!!#and honestly it’s exhausting sometimes#even with meds#aly rambles
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absolutely insane that the body’s response to “I have to wake up early for something very important tomorrow” is *heart beating at a terrifying rate, pulse racing, hard to breathe* like. the engineer of bodies is kinda sick fr I just wanna sleep smh
#I feel like we make suffering with anxiety disorders seem so memey#when in reality it’s actually a living hell 🥲#rose.txt#pray for me. I’m gonna have several panic attacks tomorrow I can feel them coming 🙃#I just need to be able to step aside when they come#starting new jobs is part of life rose. man up bitch 😜
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needs to do a thing -> anxious about doing the thing -> too anxious to do the thing -> anxious about being unable to do the thing -> anxious ab
#help me.#this isn't smth i can put off too like the goal is to do it as many times as i can#but i can barely bring myself to do it once a day bc. well. anxiety :(#idk maybe if i have some time home alone it'll help me. it's scarier to do with people around#edit: nvm i did not get any time alone 🥲 fml
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hi friends :) it’s been a couple weeks since i was active on here but i’m back! i took a little break from here (and my job irl) because i needed to mentally decompress but i am back and ready to catch up on ianthony brainrot :p
to be honest i’m completely aware i don’t do much other than reblog on here but i would love to talk to y’all more and have actual conversations so feel free to put ianthony/smosh related things (or anything, really!) in my inbox if you are interested!
i’d also like to take a moment to reintroduce myself here mostly for me because i have been struggling with my gender identity lately. as of right now, i’d like to be called lain on here :) pronouns are they/them. other than smosh, i really like like gmm, photography, writing (i am not confident in my writing abilities lol) and anything regarding cats! (i just got a third cat and i am obsessed with her) so yeah! i have a lot of difficulty talking about myself but i wanted to at least give a quick little excerpt!! that’s all k thanks bye!
#we’re so back#personal#but like actually feel free to put stuff in my asks#i want to talk more on here but i have really bad anxiety so im scared to reach out to other people first 🥲#also if my name or pronouns change i will update yall i’m just going thru it right now lol
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#got an emergency dentist appt today at 14!!! T-T#sadly the dentist is a man but... beggars cant be choosers nd all that 🥲#they opened at 7.20 nd i woke up from a dream w a start nd was like ?????? if was 7.21#my alarm didnt go off T-T#luckily i woke up only one minute late omg what if i'd slept nd slept#but yeah have an appt now. i rlly dont wnna go lmao#now my teeth hurt a bit less nd im like hmmm... do i have to go ?? 💀#i should but it's just the money aspect that stresses me out#i might have to pay using the only $200 i have in my account#nd then get sent that money by my social wellfare worker#who has been terrible at replying lately so i might have to call her#it just stresses me the fuck out i wanna cry#if i had a job w my own money i wouldnt care at all i'd just pay whatever i needed nd then go when i needed#but now i made that appt nd my teeth do hurt so i'll just have to hope it works out ....#i have anxiety abt going to the dentists normally but now that i know it's a man im even more anxious T-T oh well... :((
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i remember the first time ever i listened to SO i was like pfft rap? get out. (i was cringe) and then when i gave it a listen again a few months later i was a changed person... so i binge listened to their entire discography immediately and was genuinely shocked because how could ALL of their songs be bangers, like i couldn't believe it was possible it was surreal........ i wish i could turn back time (lol) to experience that pure shock again
#and the funny thing is i was in denial abt liking them for some time#i couldnt afford a new hyperfixation in that specific year#and i remember thinking to myself 'lol their music might be good but they're probably ugly its okay i wont like them'#(I WAS A TEENAGER SORRY FOR MY MENTALITY)#so i searched them up on pinterest and guess what i saw. the blurryface photoshoot#i kind of glitched and realized i was fucked#but i still tried to deny it and avoided looking at their pictures for days#but i eventually gave in and looked up videos and interviews and random facts about them#i was like SO stressed out abt this like i would get in trouble if someone found out i like them ahjdkdl#mind u in my country hardly anyone knows who they are#i made peace tho and then i fully embraced becoming a clikkie#technically im a hiatus clikkie#and one of the biggest concerns in my life then was the question of 'ARE THEY RETIRING WHY ARE THEY GONE'#idk looking back its so funny#this was in 2017#OH and one more thing#i was born and raised a christian and still was at that point (now i am not)#and all my life my mom would heavily censor stuff that would come across as 'devilish' or even mildly offensive to the christian religion#yknow even harry potter#so i had this irrational fear/anxiety abt stuff like that wired in my brain as well#so when i saw the hds live vid on youtube (the official one with a ton of views)#i got sincerely worried they might be some kind of devil worshippers or something 💀#them having a song called heathens did NOT help#off i went to google their religion and... the relief i felt when i found out they were christian lol#btw my mom did freak out over heathens when she found out 💀💀#i wont go into detail but she did give me trauma when she learned about the dema storyline too............#i still dont play lore videos when she's in the room 🥲🥲 thats why im lowkey jealous of clikkies with clikkie parents#okay story times over lol#tøp#nemotakeit
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My sibling I haven’t seen in about four years is coming to stay with me in less than ten days and I am barely keeping it together
#the last time was like a brief 1 hr visit when our spawn point was passing thru#like I’m endlessly excited and want them to have a good visit#but I want it to be SO good#🥲🥲🥲#I got anxiety leaking out of my pores#a whole ass teenager in my care
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I really wanna practice speaking finnish more in like everyday situations and i hype myself up enough to start out with it but that confidence leaves me like halfway through the second sentence so I tack a meek little "... we can also speak english if that's easier" on at the end and then it's just downhill from there and this just makes it feel like I'm about to enter a PvP zone when I just wanna extend my student ticket for the bus or smth 😭😭😭😭
#it's the anxiety and fear of sounding like an idiot#but i know i have to get over that!!! else i'll sound like an idiot forever!!!!!#aaaaaaaaaaaaa languages hard#at least i can prder coffee now no problem lmao#baby steps..... 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
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#so turns out my boss doesn't have the money to hire me right now and she won't fucking talk to me#i learned this from my coworker because she told her but not me????#and like it's fine i don't mind keeping freelance until the end of the year it's almost over anyways#but?????? she won't talk to me and i can't go to her and be like 'yeah so i know you can't hire me right now so let's keep things the same'#anyways starting to think the universe doesn't want me there because this is the 3rd time something happens right before i sign the papers#maybe i should just make something up myself and tell her to leave it be until next year at least#there's no risk of her like firing me or i guess cutting me off just because i know she's struggling with the workload with little staff#so she needs me there#sigh#my anxiety had just gotten a bit better this will mess it up again 🥲
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sorry I disappeared after finally adding an info page and kofi link I’m job hunting 😞
#text#I’m currently trying to look like a decent enough artist for a junior motion graphics job#which my friend is helping me with! but I have. such bad anxiety about not meeting job description requirements#I know junior positions mean they train you but I’m still very worried 🥲#and then I’m still studying ux/ui too#I’ve been busy.
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